Desolation of Tolkien: My BoingBoing review of Smaug

Like with the trilogy's first episode, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, this next chapter even further widens the viewfinder beyond the fates of Bilbo (Martin Freeman), Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and the Company of dwarves, lead by Thorin (Richard Armitage).

If you recall, their journey thus far took our heroes from Bilbo's hobbit hole in the Shire, past some trolls, under the Misty Mountains, escaping a seemingly infinite supply of goblins, ending just shy of Mirkwood forest, with the Lonely Mountain, their target, towering in the distance. We last left them after they'd battled orcs and wargs, having just been rescued by eagles from flaming trees and the brink of doom.

An Unexpected Journey took 182 minutes to tell, and covered only about 125 of Tolkien's 375 pages (in my version of the book, anyway). The Desolation of Smaug is slightly shorter, but still runs a hefty 161 minutes, and takes us about 2/3 of the way through the story. Where exactly the film leaves Bilbo, Thorin et al, I won't say here.

If part 1 plodded, then part 2 flies. But in what directions! And, quite possibly, asunder.

Read more of my review of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug on BoingBoing.

Funny or Disgusting? A Review of "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie"

TIM AND ERIC”S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE

Directed by: Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

Written by: Heidecker, Wareheim, Jonathan Krisel, Doug Lussenhop, Jon Mugar

Starring: Heidecker, Wareheim, Robert Loggia, Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Zach Galifianakis

Running time: 93 minutes

At: Kendall Square

Rated: R (nearly every bodily and sexual function and dismemberment possible)

by Ethan Gilsdorf

[originally appeared in the Boston Globe]

If you enjoy the off-kilter, sketch-based humor of “Kentucky Fried Movie,’’ Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life,’’ and anything that cranks up the Farrelly brothers’ raunch factor to 11, then “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie’’ should please you.

Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, co-creators of the TV series “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!,’’ wrote and directed this celebration of bad taste. The movie has Heidecker and Wareheim playing Hollywood newbie filmmaker morons, who have squandered a billion of the Schlaaang Corporation’s dollars on a rom-com dud. Tommy Schlaaang Jr. (played by cantankerous Robert Loggia) wants his money back. Tim and Eric shave their soul patches, toss their designer jeans, and fire their spiritual guru, a pony-tailed Zach Galifianakis (uncredited), who pops up in Obi Wan-like visions to say, “I’ve got some poetry about regret I’d like to share with you.’’

Eric and Tim, our wholly unlikable and clueless protagonists (think “Dumb and Dumber’’), skip town, determined to make back that billion dollars they owe by resurrecting the Swallow Valley Mall, deep in the middle of somewhere. Our heroes, remade now as the Dobis PR company, literally jog across the country, as Aimee Mann’s “Two Horses’’ plays and their journey is intercut with slow-motion footage of stallions.

They arrive at the decrepit, squatter-filled mall to find stubborn entrepreneurs selling swords and recycled toilet paper. The mall is run by creepy Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell, also uncredited), who occupies himself in a back room endlessly watching “Top Gun’’ on VHS. Among the best performers is John C. Reilly (yes, uncredited) as the sickly, sore-covered Taquito, Damien’s henchman, abandoned by his family at the mall decades ago. “Also,’’ Damien warns, before handing over the operation to Tim and Eric, “You’re going to have to look out for the wolf.’’ A wolf stalks the mall. And the “Yogurt Man’’ haunts the defunct frozen yogurt kiosk.

You could view all of this as a bold, thinly veiled critique of the current economic depression. Or an exegesis of a nation driven by cable access infomercials and self-help shams. Or you could simply enjoy - if enjoy is the right sentiment - this gross-out comedy that graphically depicts masturbation, defecation, body piercing (you can guess which parts), grannies getting their fingers chopped off, and every smooshy and farty sound-effect possible. See it in the right sick frame of mind, and “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie’’ can be shockingly and terribly hilarious. Or not.

Gygax Biopic in the works

The Examiner.com has reported and confirmed a rumor that’s already been echoing through the dungeons of D&D talk: that a Gary Gygax biopic is in the works. Michael Tresca wrote:

George Strayton confirmed he is … the scriptwriter for a $150 million movie based on Gary Gygax’s life. George describes the film as a ‘combination action movie and bio pic.’ The movie will tell the story of how Gary created Dungeons & Dragons, switching between his real life and the fantasy realm of Dungeons & Dragons.

Strayton is the CEO/Lead Designer of Secret Fire Games, as well as a writer for TV series Hercules: The Legendary Journeys andXena: Warrior Princess, and the animated feature Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight.

Another morsel: Tresca said that “George let it slip that a ‘huge star is playing Gary.’”

I’m game.

That said, some skeptical voices have already begun to pepper the blogosphere. As James Maliszewski says over at Grognardia, “I’d frankly be amazed if any studio thought that the life of Gary Gygax had enough mass appeal to be made into a movie, let alone one with a big budget and a huge star.” It’s an excellent question.

This certainly raises the question if the non-nerd world is ready for a biopic on an essential, but for many, still unknown pop culture innovator who helped usher in a new gaming and leisure genre. The Whole Wide World, the 1996 film about Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan the Barbarian, and starring Vincent D’Onofrio and Renée Zellweger, proved that more obscure subjects for biopics can be made. But … while that film was largely well-received critically, it tanked at the box office.

The life of Gygax and genesis of D&D certainly sounds like a promising idea for a movie. Who among lovers of RPGs won’t want to see the reenactments of D&D’s early years? Those behind-the-scenes scenes of early play-testing? And to settle once and for all the junk food dilemma — did Gary prefer Doritos or Cheetos?

More updates on this as I hear more.